I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too high and old for this...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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