hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize