Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
