exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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