Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
