Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
