How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
