I'm drive I can fine osifer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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