Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize