You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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