2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
