I am puke
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
