hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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