I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
