OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
