Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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