I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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