my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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