He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
