to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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