dude i'm inner monologue high
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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