I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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