so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
