My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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