This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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