Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
