Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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