They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
