it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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