Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I die, sorry about rent.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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