Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
