Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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