It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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