Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
