Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
