im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
