Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
