anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
