Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
