Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
