I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
