I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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