I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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