Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
