Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
