That's when you crack a 10am beer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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