Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
