go do what you do best...puke behind churches
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
