I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
