I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
