I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize