I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I need to stop coming to work sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
