just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
