I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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