in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
