god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
