it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
