he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
