I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dear god my vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
