We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
