When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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