I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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