Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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