I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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