I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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