We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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