And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
