Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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