i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
